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Bonnie begins by updating her Facebook status with some pics of the gorgeous scenery. Or maybe she's documenting Jeremy's hunter tats? So what, their surroundings pale in comparison to the gorgeous scenery that is Steven R. McQueen's shirtless torso.
(Pop quiz: Why isn't the shirtless Jeremy shivering when all the weather-immune vampires are wearing jackets?)
So we've got a bunch of attractive young people camping in the woods--aka the setting for a gazillion horror movies. And what's the first rule of slasher flicks--or like anytime unknown evil is lurking? STAY TOGETHER. What's the first thing our Mystic Falls wunderkinds do? Separate, of course. S to the MDH, people.
Even though Fangtasia Island is riddled with Oliver Queen-with-a-bad-haircut booby traps and anonymous assassins, everyone abandons their team-building exercises. Jeremy is spared from death by hatchet only to be kidnapped (BECAUSE HE IS ALL ALONE). The group then leaves Bonnie ALL ALONE to perform a locator spell, but she is really being lured by another native-type witch into a trap set by the nutty professor, who is now in possession of Silas' tombstone because no one is paying any damn attention.
Except maybe Damon, who when he's not emoting all over Elena is trying to torture Shane. (Unfortunately Elena puts a stop to it.) By way of flashbacks, Shane reveals that his dead wife was a powerful witch who died trying to use evil magic ("expressionism" my Atticus) to resurrect their dead son. Her ghost reveals that the spell to resurrect Silas requires three massacres, and Damon works out that thanks to the pastor's farmhouse explosion and the "holiday hybrid slaughter," they're two for three...oops. Remember the aforementioned bunch of unsuspecting pretties on a remote island? Ruh-roh.
The spell also requires a mighty witch, which is why Shane empowered a descendant of Qetsiyah to perform it. Wait a second... Damon says it best: "Bonnie Bennett's related to this crazy-ass witch?!"
Meanwhile, Elena is traipsing around with Stefan and Rebekah (awkward!), the Original who's had it with everyone being all judgy and superior. She also admitted she desperately wants to be human, as does Stefan--for himself, not Elena. Elena's sure the cure won't change her feelings for Damon, but he insists he wants nothing to do with mortality.
Speaking of mortality, almost forgot the haps in Mystic Falls: Klaus killed Caroline! OK, not really, but he attacked her to spite Tyler. But when she used her dying breaths to tell him, "I know you're in love with me, and anybody capable of love is capable of being saved," his cold heart melts and he saves her. Aw.
Back at the island, Damon--now ALL ALONE--is cornered by another member of the Hunter Five, who breaks his neck.
Next week: Leatherface, Jason Voorhees and the Blair Witch kill everyone but the cast of "The Originals" spinoff!
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